Genji’s Butler

Finally got Nora to sleep – it’s been a rough evening. Candice crashed a little earlier this evening she’s still exhausted from her ordeal and so she needs the extra sleep. However once I got Nora to calm down and burp she fell right asleep. Now if only I could do the same.

On Weds October 14, 2009 – Nora was born.  Mom labored for 26 hours and then pushed for 4 after all that hard work went nowhere Nora was delivered via an emergency c-section. She was born 22″ (55.88 cm) long, 8lbs 9 oz (3,883.88 g) and absolutely perfect in every way. Candice’s Mother and I were in the operatory for the section – a slight departure from the SOP for the OR team, I guess. Once Nora was freed from her predicament it became readily apparent why she couldn’t come out the old fashioned way- she was stuck on one of mom’s pubic bones and was never going to come free.

It was what experts would call a difficult birth.

Mom and baby spent the next 3 days in the hospital recovering from their joint ordeal- the hospital stay wasn’t really fun for them, but I’ll leave that for Candice to describe. It wasn’t really fun, since there was NO space for me to hang around and less privacy and her room-mates were really annoying.

Nora smiling and holding my finger

We came home on Saturday and went over to new grandma and granddad’s place so that they could spend some quality time with their new granddaughter and so Candice and I could get a nap- part of the annoying part of her hospital stay was that the room-mates stayed up all night nattering.

Sunday was much of the same, only with football. Everyone is a football fan- so Nora got to watch her first games.

On Monday we had our first “Well Baby” appointment. Nora has started to put weight back on and we got the happy news that we didn’t have to wake her every 2 hours to feed at night anymore- but we could wait until she woke up and demanded food. That means more sleep but ruder awakenings at night if we don’t wake when she starts to stir.

I took this week off to help out around the house- because of the c-section Candice really can’t do a whole lot- so I’ve been doing my best impression of a butler. I’m pretty bad at it but at least I’m trying, right?

Anyhow, she’s captured my heart in her little tiny hands. She also has a mischievous little grin which spells trouble.

(part 2 of 2)

It is impossible to put into words how difficult this is for me. I need to be here, but I also feel like he’s slipping away and I may not get the opportunity to see him – if he’s put in hospice care I’m not sure he’d be allowed to travel out here once Butterfly leaves the cocoon.

My mother tells me that he’s in no immediate danger and that maybe he’ll be allowed to come home once they have the pain under control.

I think that last phrase is the worst part for me- I was prepared to hear that he’d died of a stroke or a heart attack not that he’d linger for a year or two in pain towards the end as vital organs are consumed by the out of control machinery of biology that is cancer. I know that it’s hard for my mom to sit there and watch- when I talk to her on the phone sometimes I can hear the exhaustion and the suppressed anguish. At least, she has something that she can do- even if it is sit there and hold his hand, bulldog the hospital staff, and take him decent meals. From here, there is nothing that I can do except call him regularly and make sure that Mom doesn’t need anything that I can provide.

All of this tempers the joy that I feel when anticipating our little girl. In some ways, it’s good- when tasted, the bitter makes the sweet all that much sweeter- but I’m worried that sometimes it comes off to C as ambivalence.

(This is part 1 of a 2 )

So, it’s been about two weeks since I last bothered to update- and what weeks they’ve been.

The first part of them were spent getting ready to go back to Mo. for my brother S’s wedding. It was good to see him hitched. Pictures are on Facebook and all over the place, so I won’t bother to link them here. Besides, I’m too lazy to go hunt a good one down. I did some basic videography for the ceremony, but I haven’t really taken the time to process it with iMovie (I don’t have Final Cut). If there’s some demand, I’ll post the video here for others to view.

The real stress inducer for this week has, without a doubt been my dad’s failing health. When we were last back to visit in May, he was looking MUCH better, even though there were still some detectable tumors in in his lungs, his oncologist was confident that they wouldn’t really impact his quality of life and they were going to monitor them for a bit – rather than attempt another course of chemo, since the chemo that the cancer had responded too was rather old and more toxic than most.

So once the chemo had flushed itself from his system he started to feel better and my parents went about their lives; nervously, I think, but they got to go out and have some fun.

Well, about a month ago he started to feel worse again. This past trip, he looked worse to me than he had when we saw him after his first round of chemo. Finally, on the day we departed mom convinced him to go back to the hospital.

Which is where he is right now.

Apparently, the pain in his back, his inability to keep down foods, and extreme exhaustion is because his liver- quoting my mother here “looks like swiss cheese” with tumors. From my sister’s blog I got a piece of information that nobody had told me – they’ve categorized it as stage 4 liver cancer. Additionally the tumors in his lungs are now the size of dimes and they didn’t get an exact count- in may there were 14- I expect that number has gone up significantly.

Tomorrow morning he’s supposed to have a needle biopsy; It can take anywhere for 2 days to 2 weeks to get the specific sub-typing that would allow for chemo to begin.

One of the interesting things about expecting a child is watching the random ways in which Candice’s belly moves when Butterfly kicks her. It’s sort of cool to all of a sudden see it move to the left or right because someone has decided that particular side is offensive and really needs to be kicked, punched, headbutted, or whatever. It also leads to a lot of “Ow!” being heard around the house as Butterfly decides to pummel her surroundings. I’m sure that all of the mothers (and moms to be) in the audience feel Candice’s pain. From my side though- the best I can do is be understanding and try not to shoot diet pepsi out my nose when Candice makes a particularly funny facial expression due to these prenatal antics. Also, I’ve noticed that Butterfly likes to change where she sits regularly. Sometimes Candice won’t look as pregnant as she is, but 20 minutes later when Butterfly has moved it looks like she’s MUCH further along; it can disturbing to see happen.

Expectant Fathers! Another fun game is to take a depth gauge and measure the depth of her belly button as the pregnancy progresses. She’ll love it!

First a great big thanks to my parents, who had a portable air conditioner sent to us this week, right before the heatwave hit here in SoCal. It arrived just in time and has been able to keep our living room about 12 degrees cooler than the ambient temperature during the heat of the day. This has made things immeasurably more bearable. Even the cats, who’d rather be outside unless it’s time to sleep, stay around the air conditioner. I’ve only lived here for 8 years or so and this is the most humid I’ve ever felt it– it’s made it really sticky and unpleasant… not so bad that I feel like I’m breathing water, but still bad.

Candice’s begun writing about being pregnant over on her blog: Good And Fine. If you want to keep up with her feelings and experiences I encourage you to head over there and take a gander. As the due date approaches my feelings and worries about parenthood will start to get more concrete so this blog will start to get a little less random- I’ll try to tag appropriately so those who aren’t interested can skip it.

It’s now the beginning of the third trimester- I don’t know where the second went it flew by so quickly! From the outside it seems like things are a little rougher; the heat was really starting to take its toll and she’s more uncomfortable by the day. From what I hear this is to be expected but still it sucks. I am starting to really feel the pressure to make progress faster in getting the baby’s room ready- but it’s so hot that I can’t really work on it except at night. I did get some stuff put up into the attic, though, and that was a real accomplishment. Our friend Rose has been down helping us get ready; I’ve really appreciated her help and am sure that I’m going to need more of it.

At work we finished off the latest sprint prior – we’re now about halfway through the current release and my major feature has been completed. I’m going to be rolling over to some simpler data acquisition tasks and minor feature tweaks- it should be a nice break from really spending all day in the profiler trying to get a 2% reduction in the amount of time spent on a method – I don’t mind that but it’s nice to have a change. Maybe I can get away from seeing lock sequencing problems in my dreams.

We had dinner with my old boss and his girlfriend tonight. They drove down from LA to say hi and chat with me about things that they need to do to her (his GF’s) website to allow it to get better search results. I was able to give a few pointers but nothing really earth shattering. I guess it was better than nothing for them, though.

It’s been about a week since my parents were here to visit for the weekend, and I’ve been so busy that I haven’t had the time (work has been OMG BUSY) to really write about their visit.

They rolled in on Friday while I was still at work; I had made reservations for them at their favorite hotel for the weekend and they were able to check in without trouble, which is always a good start for a weekend trip! I worked a little late- once I was off I went and picked up C. and went with my parents to get some food. We decided on a Mexican place, Cafe Guadalajara down in old town. Eating is always a challenge for my father- he never knows what will taste good due to the chemo. I won’t bore you with what we ate, but the patio was nice and we had a good time with them.

On Saturday morning C and my mother went to quilt shops and I spoke with my dad about ‘the Arrangements.’ That was a pretty depressing way to start the day, but we needed to talk about it. When the time comes (may it be a long ways away), it’s good to know his wishes. Later on, we had a discussion about regrets and things he wished he’d done differently. I learned a lot about him; I wish I’d known some of it sooner. Once the women returned, we went out to Ruby’s for a milkshake and burger and then down to the Cabrillio national monument to look at the bay and the Pacific for a while.

It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed every minute of it; particularly watching the seabirds as they hovered over the water and the hawks hunting rodents in the Pt. Loma hills. One particularly splendid moment was when a hawk swooped up the face of the hill and flew within 20′ of where we were sitting and you could clearly make out the flexing talons as she diligently searched for a mouse or other small prey. Dad and I spent some time trying to figure out what the destroyer was doing off in the distance as it raced from north to south and back again along the horizon. Eventually, the sun began to set and the park rangers started chasing everyone out, so we headed off to dinner at Arrividerci, a pleasant little Italian restaurant in Hillcrest where they’ve eaten before, and had a good time chatting about the day.

Sunday was a little bit of a bust- Dad and I had planned to go on a fishing charter for the afternoon, but the WoundVac on his leg wasn’t working properly and he had to spend the day fighting to get that corrected. In the end, we wound up going over to their hotel room and playing hands and feet until the part was delivered (by a salesman for the company) and the four of us joined C’s parents for dinner.

They left early the next morning, and I was sorry to see them go- I really don’t see them enough.

I guess the snow delayed my parents on their EPIC ROAD TRIP to Las Vegas. That, and my dad’s residual chemo neausa.